Brrrr! Today is the first day it has really felt like Fall in Victoria. So much so that I immediately yanked out the slow cooker at 7 am this morning to warm my house with the scent of an all day stew.

Yesterday I took the book, Sporkfed , out of the library. I’ve been perusing it, but gingerly. When I was in highschool, for some reason–perhaps it was related to the fact that, during my initial exposure to Monty Python, the word/concept of SPAM was the only thing I could actually find humour in–some friends and I took waaaay too much glee in imagining all the different Hormel products you could, er,  ”Sp”-iferate? Vegetarian even then, I sheepishly (SPeepishly?) admit that I enjoyed hyperbolizing the ridiculousness of Hormel and its thinly-veiled horor show: SPAM? And SPORK? Why, then,  not SPAMINGO, SPOCELOT, SPJILA MONSTER…SPUNK, well, you get the drift. The gist is that, even then, we understood how arbitrary it is to accept the commodification of sentient beings. Where I am I going with this? I think Spork Sisters is a weird choice of name because, come on! We’ve all heard of Hormel’s SPORK! Am I crazy or am I right???

Or, perhaps I am just crazy? I could’t find any documentation that a Hormel version of SPORK (spiced pork?) actually exists(ed), even though I swear I could find it in the grocery store right now. But, luckily, I am not having Dr. Moreau-esque hallucinations. My false memories are just solving the mystery of time travel.

But it wasn’t an American fiasco. This one is all on us. Holy Hell, Canada. Holy Hell.

Speef existed too??? What the spudid spidea? Well, the modern-day Spork Sisters are nothing but cute and spunky and Deschanel endorsed and what on Earth does any of this have to do with Vegan MoFo or a recipe? Nothing. Nothing at all. I just got really distracted and retracted into teen-me mindset for a spell. Thanks for indulging. But the Sporkfed ladies do have a recipe for Mushroom Bouruignon that looks extra yummy and inspired me to do this:

Slow Cooked Lentil Kind of Bouruigno-no

INGREDIENTS

–  5 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped
–  1 large onion, coarsely chopped
–   8 cups vegan stock (preferable “beef” (spbeef?) flavoured
–  1.5 cups brown/green lentils, dry
–  1.5 cups vegan red wine
– 2 tbs tamari
– 1 tbs worcestershire sauce
–  2-4 tbs dijon or grainy mustard
– 3 large carrots, chopped
– 4 medium potatoes, chopped
– 2 stalks celery, chopped
– 2 large bay leaves
– 1/4 cup chopped fresh rosemary
– salt and pepper to taste

METHOD

1. Put it all in the slow cooker. Walk away, bro. Just walk away. Come back when lentils are soft and tasty. (6-10 hours; times vary according to slow cooker).

2. Adjust seasoning and serve with rice or crusty baguette if you welcome gluten. mmmmmmm.

NOTES

Not even a little fiddly, so decidedly un-French, this recipe is fragrant, hearty and warming supper for any Fall day. This is quite a bit soupier than traditional bourguignon (and only missing mushrooms because my husband hates them, boo him!). Please feel free to thicken and shroom to your heart’s content!